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I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop any time...

If speed kills... do brakes give life??

I had a pretty good laugh watching this (you may have to wait an advert to clear first), try not to laugh as number 4 tries to throw the ball from the sideline ....

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzMxNTUxM ... f=17546002

It's from a China server so may be slow loading for some.

Did you hear about the farmer who was outstanding in his field?


Or, if you will permit a religious joke,


The was once a young lady who was the talk of her village because she had three breasts. In the end she was too much of a distraction so she was sent off to a nunnery. Even there she didn't escape notice and the mother superior soon began to call her the prodigal nun.

I feel like this all the time......

Two men walk into a bar which was stupid because the 2nd one should have learned from the 1st!

Cheers!

KS

How I learned to mind my own business!

One day I was walking by the mental hospital and noticed the patients in the yard were chanting.

13...13...13...13...13...13...

The fence was too high to look over, but I spotted a gap in the planks and I leaned over to see just what was going on.

As I peered in, some wacko jabbed me in the eye with a stick!! I heard a high pitch cackle and through the searing pain I heard the unmistakable sound of my education emanating from the yard.

14...14...14...14...14...

MYOB!!!

Cheers!

KS

Kinda like my work place... at least it's quiet today.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.

Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.

"That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

Cheers!

KS

Here goes....

Two antennas get married.

The ceremony was nothing special,......

But the RECEPTION was FANTASTIC!!!!

Mark, builder of Invincible II(a?)

Walked into a spare parts place ...

Me "I'd like an oil filter for my Yugo..."

Them "Well alright, but it had better be running and I still think you're getting the better side of the deal".

2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser

Not a joke.

A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?"

There was a boy who was born terribly deformed, without any arms or legs, or for that matter, much of a body. It used to irk him that he couldn't play with the other children, and only a moderate compensation that his mother would put him on the windowsill where he could watch the other children at play.

One day, there was a great 'poof' and his fairy godmother appeared. She offered him a single wish, and it took but a moment for him to say "I'd like a body and arms and legs so I can go out and play with the other children." With a wave of fairy godmother's wand he was so endowed. The little boy then jumped down from the window-sill and ran out side. But having led a sheltered life, he wasn't very street-wise and ran out in front of a dump truck, which struck and killed him.

Which ony goes to show that you should always quit while you're a head.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''

The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

Cheers!

KS

One I was sent today...

I was in a bar last night when I realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was playing really, really loud, so I timed my passing with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel much better. When I finished my drink, I looked around and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Cheers!

KS