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Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:

"You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he
was still there.

Guy leaves the material world and enters into a monastery that can only be entered with a vow of silence.

Guy meets the Senior who says to him "Speaking is forbidden but you may come to me one time each year and utter 2 words"

After one year the guy meets the Senior who says "Your first year has passed, convey upon me your deepest thoughts"

The Guy says "I'm hungry"

Senior says "Very well, your rations will be increased"

After the second year ends the guy again comes to meet the Senior who says "Your second year has passed, convey upon me your deepest thoughts"

The Guy says "I'm cold"

Senior says "Very well, your bedding will be increased"

After the third year ends the guy again comes to meet the Senior who says "Your third year has passed, convey upon me your deepest thoughts"

The Guy says "I'm leaving"

Senior says "Thank God for that, you've done nothing but whine since you've been here ...."

LOLOLOLOLOL!

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world:

Those that understand binary and those that don't

Got this one yesterday. Considering our dominantly male demographic, it should need little explanation.

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silver/black gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him you have a headache."

I swear I'm human. I originally created an account under the name Conquest351, but it got banned. I tried to contact the admin, but never got any contact back. Please don't delete me. LOL

Strange.

If your first post was suspiciously vague and spammer like that is probably why.

Sorry about that. You are good to go now.

Cool, can I redo my name now? LOL

Yeah...but where's your joke?

-dave "the joke's on you" hempy

Why can't engineers tell a joke timing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vto1-J_C ... re=related

good joke

A few oldies. ..

Beauty is only a light switch away.
>Perkins Library, Duke University , Durham , NC


If life is a waste of time,
And time is a waste of life,
Then let's all get wasted together
And have the time of our lives.
>Armand's Pizza, Washington , DC

Fighting for peace is like
Screwing for virginity.
>The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO


No matter how good she looks,
Some other guy is sick and tired
Of putting up with her.
>Men's Room
>Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego
Everyone leaves hungry.
>Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ

It's hard to make a comeback
When you haven't been anywhere.
>Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
>Wickenburg , AZ

Make love, not war.
Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
>Women's restroom
>The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT

If voting could really change things,
It would be illegal.
>Revolution Books
>New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con, then what
is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
>Men's restroom House of Representatives,
>Washington , DC

Express Lane:
Five beers or less
>Sign over one of the urinals
>Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ

You're too good for him..
>Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
>Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
>Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
>Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it
>Women's restroom
>Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man...
_____________________________

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die...
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
(Amen to that, my friends....)
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE
FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Beauty is only a bottle of beer away.

My mates and I used to walk into pubs and start rating woman from 1 to 5 indicative of how many drinks it would take before taking them home - true story.

I assume I needed to do this before I can post anywhere on this forum??? I hope so because I need to have a few questions answered.

I'll keep my fingers crossed.....................................