The Pretzel Hold
WARNING: This is a Ukrainian joke, I am Ukrainian, I am not offended because I truly believe Ukrainian's tell the best jokes. If you believe you will be offended, do not read this joke.
There was this Ukrainian wrestler, he was the best in the country, he never lost a wrestling match. His promoters boasted this across the world, 'the greatest wrestler in the world!'. One day the promoters get a call from Japan, they say they have the greatest wrestler in the world, maybe set up a wrestling match to see who is actually the greatest in the world.
And so it happened, there was a huge crowd, the spotlights were shining center ring. The commentator calls out 'Ladies and Gentlemen! In this corner stands Mr Ukrainian' (the crowd roars), he walks up to Mr Ukrainian and asks 'Mr Ukrainian, you are the best wrestler in the country, how do you think this match will go?'. Mr Ukrainian says 'I'm the best in the country, nobody has never beat me, I'm the best!'. The crowd goes wild.
Then the commentator says 'And in this corner in Mr Japanese, who also is the best wrestler in his country'. He walks up to Mr Japanese and asks 'How do you think this match will go?'. Mr Japanese says ' I'm the best, I have this hold called the pretzel hold, once I get someone in the pretzel hold they never get out'.
Mr Ukrainian hears this and thinks hmm I've never heard of this pretzel hold and I'm the best, nothing to worry about.
So Mr Ukrainian and Mr Japanese go to their corners. The bell rings, they come out, circling each other, they lock arms, suddenly Mr Japanese has Mr Ukrainian in the pretzel hold. The commentator is ecstatic, he yells out 'Mr Japanese has Mr Ukrainian in the pretzel hold! No one has ever gotten out on the pretzel hold!'. The crowd is hushed.
No sooner the commentator says this Mr Japanese goes flying over the ropes, into the crowd, and is down and out. The crowd is uncontrollable, the match was over.
As Mr Ukrainian stands up and is staggering around, the commentator comes up to him and slaps him on the back, he says 'Mr Ukrainian! How did you do it? No ones ever gotten out of the pretzel hold!'.
Mr Ukrainian says, 'there I was, I thought I was a goner, but I looked up, and there they were, the biggest pair of family jewels you've ever seen, so I bit them. You can't believe the power you get when you bite your own family jewels!!!!'.
